Meaning of Sheela Ki Jawani

प्रस्तुत उत्तेजक गीत हिन्दी फिल्म जगत के नवीनतम रत्न 'तीस मार खान' से लिया गया है. यह गाना नायिका के संगमरमर जैसे शरीर से आकर्षित होने वाले लंगोट के ढीले पुरुषों पर नायिका की अपमानजनक प्रतिक्रया को व्यक्त करता है. नायिका उन्हें सीधे और कटु शब्दों में बताना चाहती है कि शीशे के पीछे रसगुल्ले की ख्वाहिश करना एक बात है और उसे चखना दूसरी बात!

I know you want it
But you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
Maane na maane koi duniya
Yeh saari, mere ishq ki hai deewani

गाने की शुरुआत नायिका के ईमानदारीपूर्ण वक्तव्य से होती है. वो जानती है कि इन मर्दों को उसकी भावनाओं, दिल और प्रेम से कोई सरोकार नहीं. वो तो बस एक ही चीज चाहते हैं. पर वो उन्हें मिलने वाली नहीं. उन्हें मुंह में भर आये पानी से ही अपनी प्यास बुझानी होगी. दुर्भाग्यपूर्ण, परन्तु सत्य.


Hey hey, I know you want it
but you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
Maane na maane koi duniya
yeh saari Mere ishq ki hai deewani
Ab dil karta hai haule haule se
Main toh khud ko gale lagaun
Kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya
Main toh khud se pyaar jataun

नायिका पुनः दर्जनों पुरुषों में उसके प्रति जगी वासना पर प्रकाश डालती है. वो अपने आस-पास मंडराते छिछोरों को बताती है कि उनकी दाल नहीं गलने वाली. पर साथ ही यहाँ नायिका के व्यक्तित्व का एक और पक्ष उजागर होता है. सौंदर्य से जागृत अहंकार का पक्ष. वो अपनी सुन्दरता से इतनी प्रभावित है कि उसे किसी पुरुष की ज़रुरत नहीं. वो अपने अन्दर की स्त्री के लिए खुद ही पुरुष बन जाना चाहती है. अब इसे अहंकार की पराकाष्ठा कहें या आत्म-प्रेम की मादकता!


what's my name
what's my name
what's my name
My name is Sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
Na na na sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani

अब नायिका अपना परिचय देती है. अपना नाम बताती है. और नाम भी ऐसा जो बूढ़ी नसों के लिए वायाग्रा का काम करे. उनमें यौवन का झंझावात ला दे. नाम बताने के साथ वो यह भी बताती है कि वो बहुत ही ज़्यादा सेक्सी है. अपने मुंह मियाँ मिट्ठू. पर इस आत्म-प्रशंसा में भी अहंकार की सुगंध है. वो खुद को इतना ज़्यादा सेक्सी बताती है कि वो सबकी पहुँच से बाहर है. एक ऐसे चन्द्रमा की तरह जिसकी चांदनी तो सबको उपलब्ध है, पर उस चाँद को छूकर उसे महसूस करना किसी के बस की नहीं. यहाँ यह सिद्ध होता है है कि नायिका सौंदर्य की साधक ही नहीं, बल्कि अहंकार से भरी चुड़ैल भी है.


Take it on
Take it on
Take it on
Take it on

अब नायिका सीधे शब्दों में चुनौती देती है. एक ऐसी चुनौती जो शायद मर्दों में शराब के बिना भी साहस ला दे.


Silly silly silly silly boys
O o o you're so silly
Mujhe bolo bolo karte hain
O o oHaan jab unki taraf dekhun,
baatein haule haule karte hain
Hai magar, beasar mujh par har paintra

अब नायिका उनका उपहास करती है. उन्हें मूर्ख कहकर पुकारती है. उन्हें ज़लील करती है. वो मर्द नायिका के बारे में गुप-चुप बातें कर सकते हैं, पर उसके सामने जुबां नहीं खोल पाते. वासना और कायरता का ये अद्भुत संगम है.


Haye re aise tarse humko
Ho gaye sober se re
Sookhey dil pe megapan ke
teri nazariya barse re
I know you want it
but you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
SheelaSheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
Na na na sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani

यहाँ आखिरकार वासना से मदहोश मर्द कुछ बोलने की हिम्मत जुटाते हैं. वो धीमे स्वर में अपनी इच्छा ज़ाहिर करते हैं. वो बोलते हैं कि नायिका का फिसलता बदन उनके बंजर दिलों में प्रेम का अंकुर ला रहा है. मानो नायिका को उनकी असली इच्छा का पता ही नहीं. इसलिए वह उन्हें फिर से याद दिलाती है कि दिन में सपने देखना छोड़ दें.

यह ख़ूबसूरत गीत आज ही नहीं, सदियों से चला आ रही नर और नारी की मानसिकता को उजागर करता है. नारी हज़ारों घंटे श्रृंगार और व्यायाम में बिताकर इस लायक दिखती है कि मर्द उस पर गिद्ध जैसी नज़रें डालें. पर जब वो नज़रें डालते हैं तो नायिका उन्हें चूजा सिद्ध कर देती है. नर भी कम नहीं. वो नारी के शारीरिक आकर्षण के सामने आपा खो बैठते हैं. जब वासना शिखर पर होती है तो साहस लुकाछिपी खेल रहा होता है. अब ऐसे में मिलन हो तो कैसे हो? इसी सवाल के साथ यह गीत श्रोताओं और दर्शकों के मन में एक कसक छोड़ जाता है.

Rajinikanth : Facts of Life

* Rajinikanth makes onions cry

* Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

* Ghosts are actually caused by Rajinikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

* Rajinikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.

* Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

* Rajinikanth can drown a fish.

* When Rajinikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.

* When Rajinikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajinikanth and Rajinikanth.

* Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajinikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

* The last digit of pi is Rajinikanth. He is the end of all things.

* Rajinikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

* A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajinikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

* Rajinikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajinikanth.

* If you spell Rajinikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajinikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

* Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

* When Rajinikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

* Rajinikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

* Rajinikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

* Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajinikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

* There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

* Rajinikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

* Rajinikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

* It takes Rajinikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

* Rajinikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

* Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajinikanth.

* Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajinikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

* Rajinikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

* With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajinikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

* The square root of Rajinikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajinikanth, the result is death.

* When you say "no one's perfect", Rajinikanth takes this as a personal insult.

* Rajnikanth doesn't wear a watch, He decides what time it is.

* Rajinikanth has counted to infinity – twice.

* When Rajinikanth does a pushup, He isn't lifting himself up but He's pushing the earth down.

* RajiniKanth killed the Dead Sea.

* Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, Rajinikanth is always first.

* Rajinikanth doesn't defecate. Nothing can scare the shit out of him.

* Rajinikanth doesn't believe in the laws of physics. Hence, they do not exist.

* USA could not find any Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai!

* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajinikanth has allowed to live.

And my Fav :)

* Rajinikanth's email id – gmail@rajnikanth.com

Are u planning to marry

Are u planning to marry

#CASE 1
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.


#CASE 2
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


#CASE 3
Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.


#CASE 4
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.

#CASE 5
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."

#CASE 6
Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

#CASE 7
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

#CASE 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes

#CASE 9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?

#CASE 10
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

#CASE 11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

#CASE 12
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

#CASE 13
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

#CASE 14
A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire. "

Reasons to drink alcohol

Reasons to drink alcohol

I love last point most...

1. Make New Friends

In small quantities, alcohol has been proven to lower people's inhibitions. Alcoohol can also can play a part in slurring speech, so when you ask someone to get me a beer it may sound like you said I'm getting queer. Within moments you might find yourself with a new friend.
WORST CASE: That new friend of yours might wind up taking you home for an all-nighter.

2. Never Alone

When people stress out or are looking to have more fun, they often will turn to alcohol for assistance. Between bars becoming more packed and support groups spreading, it will soon be nearly impossible for the regular alcoholic to find his regular seat at the bar again.
WORST CASE: You won't have any chance to drink by yourself and plan suicide in peace.

3. Stupid Is The New Funny


Since you're going to be drinking it up, things that use to be stupid will become oddly funny. That joke about your priest touching you just to give you and your brother something else in common might make you laugh.
WORST CASE: You think it's a joke if a woman is drunk enough to ask you to go home with her.

4.Cheaper Than Drugs

There are many things in your lifetime that you could enjoy, some of the things are more expensive than others. Alcohol costs much less than illegal drugs such as cocaine and meth.
WORST CASE: You can buy enough alcohol to poison and kill yourself cheaper than with other drugs.

5. Makes Time Fly

Your Monday is dragging on but you know at night you'll be out drinking with friends. For nine hours that feel like ninety you deal with the slow work day and then the five hours at night of drinking seems to last less than thirty minutes.
WORST CASE: You try drinking at work to make time fly and get caught.

6. Environmentally Friendly

Alcohol is created when grains, fruits, or vegetables are fermented. That's good stuff, there's not likely going to be a vegan with a complaint because you are downing a beer or sticking out a pinky while sipping a wine.
WORST CASE: Your meat eating friends will all beat you senseless for trying to be eco-friendly.

7. Mensa Won't Bother You

In recent studies it's been proven that drinking can shrink the human brain. Even small quantities of alcohol drinkers have a smaller brain volume than those who do not, according to a study in the Archives of Neurology.
WORST CASE: You'll become Rakhi Sawant and Tushar Kapoor fan.

8. Help The Economy

When you are being a patron at a bar or other establishment, you are helping the economy. Your other choice is to stay home and hoard your money, which should be alright because you don't want to be part of the solution to help the global economy you selfish hippie.
WORST CASE: You go on a spending spree and buy the bar rounds and have more friends to add to your Facebook profile.

9. Lose Weight

A report from Melbourne in August of 2003 showed moderate drinkers seem to have a reduced risk of developing type 2, or adult onset diabetes. This was probably related to the effect alcohol had on improving insulin sensitivity, which appeared to aid weight loss as well as protect against diabetes.
WORST CASE: You drink and stop eating and people think you are related to Calista Flockhart..

10. Makes People More Attractive

Due to the numbing effect of alcohol on the brain, the likelihood that an ugly guy could hook up with a hotter girl increase dramatically. If given enough alcohol than someone as hot as Jessical Biel could end up with an average looking guy.
WORST CASE: You'll take home a girl that might be coyote ugly.

Here comes the mallu

Here comes the mallu
Enough of Sardar jokes……………..Mallu jokes are here !
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto
11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard? Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones....

Few of the Best Affairs

The 1st Affair:
 
 A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
 One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
 The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
 He put on his shoes and drove home.
 "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
 "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
 "You lying bastard!
 You've been playing golf!"
 
 The 2nd Affair:

 A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
 They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
 The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
 The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
 He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
 He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
 The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
 
 The 3th Affair:
 
 A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
 "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
 She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
 "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
 "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
 "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
 No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
 Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
 "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

 The 4th Affair:

 A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
 "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
 "One Cent?" the man thought.
 He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
 "A nickel," the barman replied.
 "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
 The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
 The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
 The bartender replied,
 "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
 
 The 5th Affair:

 Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
 He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
 "There's no need to," his wife replied.
 "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
 "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Seniors Wisdom

An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a bautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something morespecial."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Theold man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now, andyou can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..
On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel..'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift...

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident..

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.




Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy..'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...



Lesson 6


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!






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--
Dilip Modi
M+  9275704638

Employee of the month

Employee of the Month, look at the dedication, such sort of dedication is expected from all the employees.

Smile Please

*  Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti
hain?
Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!

*  Ek Mandir k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri
sharan me aaye.
Ek callgirl ne niche apna mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo meri sharan
me aaye.
 
*  Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several
women happy!

*  A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u delivers a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!

*  Teacher class mein apne baby ko doodh pilate hue boli: Ale ale mela
beta dudh p k doctor banega.
Santa: Mam! Thoda hame bhi pila do hum compounder hi ban jaayenge.

*  How do u identify a true music lover?
A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear to
the keyhole instead of his eye!

*  Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka
helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !

*  Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai.
Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay?
Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to Pinki aunty se lay aana.

*  Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati,
or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.

*  Height of Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano
Car........preferab ly with Gas Kit!!!
 
*  What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to
win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

*  Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya
te kisi hor de nal suti si.
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!

*  10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a
logical statement that 90% of accidentsarer due to driving without
drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke

*  Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu?
Santa: KHULE AAM...

*  There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job,
Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right.

*  Daru se Nasha badhta hai, Nashe se junun. Junun se mehnat, Mehnat se
paisa, Paise se izzat.Isliye Izzatdar wohi hai jo Daru pita hai !

*  Chandni raat thi, nadi ka kinara tha, asmaan me taro ka nazara tha,
Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma,
Bidi Piyegi ?

*  A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000

*  When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears
flows from your eyes always say these words... Eh Ganpat, chal daru
la...

*  Lalu: Rabri, tum to hamara CHAND ho.
Rabri: Na ji hamka CHAND VAND mat kahiye, ye sasure America wale roj
Chand pe chadte utarte rahte hai.

*  Breaking News: Latest sponsor of the Indian Cricket Team: Whisper
Ultra..
BCCI felt it appropriate as the team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!

*  In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas
a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36

*  Ladke wale ladki ka haath kab mangte hai????????? ??

 JAB LADKE KA HAATH THAK JATA HAI......... ......

*  Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai kahti hai koi patthar se na
maare mere deewana ko twenty first century hai bomb se uda do saale ko.

*  Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!

*  An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne
inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.

*  Bengali patient: Doc sahab, potla-potla totti aata hai, khane ko man
nahin karta hai.
Doc: Yeh lo dawai, mota-mota totti aayega, jaise marzi kaat ke khana

*  Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich
and wear expensive branded clothes, when most beautiful things in life
we do naked.

*  Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di

*  Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi
Hon, Sabko MUMBAI bhej do

*  Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?

*  Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka
to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6"
ka hi hota hai.
 
*  Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and
touch her anywhere she likes?
A: Lifebuoy.

*  A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around
ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

Blonde Guy Joke

Blonde Guy Joke

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke….. And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

(Oh this is GOOD!!)

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.

How stock market works?

The Stock Market simply illustrated. ... is there a lesson here?

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50." The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!!

Welcome to the Stock Market!!!!!

Side Effects of working in the IT sector !

Bhavik
I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!

Ashok
few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.

Jyotsna
One from me too...
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)

Abhijeet
Jus to add...
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"

Anup
I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.

Rohit
Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also........ ....while writing personal mails also........ .I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person...... ..
Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..... .........
And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.......... .....I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap......... ..

Nidhi
Awesome!!
Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
(Hilarious!)

Nisha
Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin

Farina
I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.

Bhabani
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.

Nisha
Kinda a same experience for me too..
I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???

Sandy
I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.
Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"
This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !

Sandeep
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol. ...thank god he didn't noticed tht....

Ashwin
Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

Vidyarthi
And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!

Venu
Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"

Krishna
When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...

Rama
One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do

Sridhar
Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.

Arun
Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!

Satya
The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.

Interesting XLS files

Check some really interesting XLS files.

• What did your mobile no say?
• Sun rise and Sun set in Hongkong.
• Life Calculations.
• Know your Character.
• Indian Languages.
• Helpful calculators.
• Blood group Diets
• Amount of water to drink
• Age Character Calculations.
  

Enjoyy.............. :)

Business is business

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."

As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."

Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!".

Proud to be Indian........

NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED IN AMERICA.



An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business

for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank  will need some form of security for the loan,

so the Indian man hands over the keys  and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.

He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept  the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to  $15.41.

The loan officer says, 
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow '$5,000' ? "

The Indian replies:

"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"

Ah, the mind of the Indian... ....... This is why India is shining. 

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in Desi Style

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in Desi Style

Tune for videshi poems in desi style, its hillarious, you will laugh like hell thats gauranteed.

The Root Cause of Swine Flue

Ever wonder what could be the reason for swine flue?
Like say for an example AIDS, this comes from South african Apes, and we all know how could have this AIDS viruses transferred from apes to humans......

Same way Swine flue also have transferred from an animal to humans.... wondering how?
have a look at following pictures

The root cause for the Swine Flue