Here comes the mallu
Enough of Sardar jokes……………..Mallu jokes are here !
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto
11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard? Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones....
Friday, October 2, 2009
Few of the Best Affairs
The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The 3th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 4th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 5th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
welcome to 3G Technology
THE termination of the proposed merger with MTN has clearly postponed the global aspirations of Bharti Airtel. But the company and its shareholders can take heart from the fact that it preserves Bharti’s financial muscle for bigger battles. Inida’s biggest telecom company can now focus on its expansion into 3G space in India without stretching its finances.
The regulatory authorities have set a reserve price of Rs 3,500 crore for an all-India licence for 3G services. Currently, telecom operators are struggling to cope with the limitations of the existing 2G networks while serving the 455 million strong subscriber base that is growing at a break-neck pace of 12-13 million per month. An entry into the 3G arena would resolve the pressure on the networks by offering more bandwidth.
Undoubtedly, 3G is going to be the next big thing in the domestic telecom space as operators will be able to cater to a bigger subscriber base. Further, 3G will be a rare commodity since only four licences will be offered per circle notwithstanding the entry of several new players in the 2G space in last few months. Bharti looks comfortably placed with enough financial muscles to take on 3G expansion. By the end of June 2009, the company had Rs 6,307 crore in cash and investments that can be easily converted into cash. If the deal with MTN were to happen, Bharti would have had to take fresh debt on its books, which could have strained its balance sheet.
Now that the deal is called off, this sets Bharti free to plough its resources into domestic expansion. Also, after successfully operating pan-India networks, Bharti appears to be far more comfortable in the current scenario, both financially and functionally, compared to other ambitious players such as NTT Docomo, which has partnered with Tata Teleservices. 3G also throws open opportunities in the non-SMS services including data, music, and video. This calls for more investments from the operators and here again Bharti looks on a comfortable footing.
Apart from 3G, another growth area in the Indian market is consumer services such as direct-tohome (DTH) and TV service based on internet protocol (IP). Bharti has entered both the segments and faces stiff competition from players including Reliance Communications and Tata Sky. Investments in the consumer services space would be key to Bharti’s future progress given that the wireless telecom space, which is inching towards 50% penetration, would soon reach a point of saturation.
They are some of the closest friends and well-wishers of Sunil Mittal. They live in the same neighbourhood in Lutyens Delhi.With some, he is a tennis partner and hangs around, while with others, he bounces off ideas and shares his anguish. Mittal is known to trust his friends a lot and build bond with them, which goes beyond business. Which is why they feel more ‘let down’ that the proposed Bharti-MTN alliance broke than perhaps Mittal himself. Naturally, they were quite dis-heartened to learn, some from ET, that the deal had fallen through as some of them were following the twists and turns of the deal closely.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Don't disturb....... They are sleeping.....
Shshshshshshshshsh......Don't disturb....... They are sleeping.....
Hidden Commands in XP
Hidden comands in XP.....
1- Private Character Editor
This program is for designing icons and Characters(Alphapet )
Click :start
Then :run
type :EUDCEDIT
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
2- iExpress
This Program is for conerting your files to EXECUTABLE files
Click : start
Then : run
type : iexpress
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
1- Private Character Editor
This program is for designing icons and Characters(Alphapet )
Click :start
Then :run
type :EUDCEDIT
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
2- iExpress
This Program is for conerting your files to EXECUTABLE files
Click : start
Then : run
type : iexpress
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Seniors Wisdom
An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a bautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something morespecial."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Theold man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now, andyou can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..
On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something morespecial."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Theold man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now, andyou can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..
On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"
Legend of Diwali (Dipawali)
Diwali also known as Deepawali, a Sanskrit word- means row of lights- is the festival of light. This festival is celebrated throughout India and other parts of the world, irrespective of religion and caste. Its preparation begins from Dussehra as it is common to hear the sound of crackers made by children in streets to make you remind that Diwali is approaching.
Diwali is the festival which is observed for five days and usually comes in the month of October/December when it is the darkest night of the month. This year it falls on 28 th of October.
There are many reasons for Hindus to celebrate this festival and harvest is among one of them. As this harvest of the kharif season i.e. mainly of rice, coincides this festival. Every harvest is celebrated with great joy and it is first offered as a gratitude to Almighty. Worship to the deity of the wealth and happiness - Goddess Laxmi is done by offering Poha - semi cooked rice as a custom in the North and West India .
This festival is celebrated at night and this night is generally the darkest night of the year. It is illuminated so much by the lights that no corner is left by dark. It shows the happiness of inside and out of a person. People welcome this festival by cleaning nook and corner of their houses, shops and surroundings as there is a strong belief that goddess of wealth Laxmi bestows her blessings to the place which is the most clean.
This festival is celebrated by many sects of Hindus according to their own reasons.
Mainly it is celebrates as to mark the welcome of Lord Rama to Ayodhya after defeating Ravana. Shri Ram- incarnation of Lord Vishnu returned to his capital Ayodhya in India after the exile of fourteen years. It is the great example of a son to keep a father's vow to his stepmother Kaikeyi who was jealous of the coronation of Shri Ram as she wanted that her son Bharat would made king of that glorious kingdom. Bharat refused to this injustice planned by her mother and discarded the comfort of palace as his brother, Shri Ram was suffering in jungle. Lord Shri Ram killed Ravana and rescued his wife Sita on the day of Dussehra. He then returned to his capital exactly after twenty days on the day of dark fortnight of the month of Kartik. People of Ayodhya were happy and greet their king Lord Rama by turning this dark night into day by row of lights to show their happiness and greetings to their king.
The five day festival begins with the thirteenth day of the Kartik month known as tryodashi or teras or popularly known as Dhanteras- dhana means wealth and teras means thirteen. It is an auspicious day to buy gold, silver or any metal thing for the house like utensils etc. During this day lamps/diya are also lighted for lord Yama i.e. lord of death. This day is celebrated as Yamadeepdaan and a diya is kept burning whole night in the name of Yama to avert untimely death and for the welfare of the members of the family.
The next day is the fourteenth day of the month - chaturdashi- popularly known as narak chaturdashi - the day on which Lord Krishna killed Narakasura. This legend goes to the epoch of dwapar yuga when Lord Krishna killed the evil king of Pragjyotishpur. That evil king had kidnapped 16,000 daughters of gods and earrings of Aditi- the mother of gods. On the request of Gods, Lord Krishna fought a fierce battle with the evil king. After the mighty battle, he succeeded in killing the evil king and freeing the 16000 daughters and recovering the earrings of mother Aditi returned home. He was welcomed and bathed with scented oils. In some parts of India especially in Maharashtra this day is marked by taking special bath early in the morning after a full body massage of scented oil. This is known as abhyang-snan that includes herbs or ayurvedic items like sandalwood, manjistha, rose, camphor, orange peels and turmeric that are natural antiseptic. The sweets like kheer or sweet vermicelli and the sounds of fireworks add to the festive mood.
In the Eastern part of India this day pooja of Maa Kali is done with great enthusiasm. It is believed that on this day, Kali, the goddess of power killed the wicked demon Raktavija. This day Lord Hanuman is also worshipped by the offerings of sesame laddoos and sweets.
This day is also marked by the victory to Vamana Avtar - one of the incarnation of Lord Vishnu - over great demon king Bali- who was powerful and righteous demon king became threat to the universe.
The next day is the amavasya i.e. the day to celeberate Diwali. Entrance door is decorated with Torans and many other decorations made of artificial flowers, beads and floor is also decorated with traditional Rangoli. Puja is performed in the evening with lavishly decorated puja thalis that includes flowers, camphors, vermillion, sweets etc according to the family traditions. In south India camphor lit aarti is an integral part of pujas. Goddess Laxmi along with other Gods is decorated with gold jewelry and special Laxmi puja is performed. People wear new clothes and perform puja by offering rice, fruit, flowers, sweets and coconuts.
Feasting, gambling, family gatherings, lights and fire crackers mark the festival throughout the country. Gambling and drinking is part of this festival especially in West Bengal . The North Indian business community usually starts their financial new year on Diwali and new account books are opened on this day. Diwali gifts, sweets and dry fruits are distributed to well wishers and neighbors to share the happiness of this festival.
According to Skanda Purana Lord Shiva accepts Shakti to his left half and appeared as Ardhanaarishvara after the completion of the great vrat - kedara vrat that was kept by Maa Shakti for twenty one days.
Goddess Laxmi was incarnated on this holy day as a result of churning of the ocean - samudra manthan, therefore this day is associated with Laxmi poojan.
According to "Mahabharata" Pandavas appeared from their twelve years exile as a result of their defeat in the hands of the Kauravas during gambling.
Great Hindu king Vikramaaditya was coronated on this day.
Maharshi Dayananda, one of the greatest reformers of Hinduism and the founder of Arya Samaj attained his nirvana on October 31st, 1883 at Ajmer during the evening of Diwali.
Jains celebrate it as the day on which Mahavira attained Nirvana.
For Sikhs Guru Ram Das was born on 9 October 1534 in Chuna Mandi, Lahore . Also in 1577 the foundation stone of The Golden Temple was laid on Diwali. On Diwali 1619 the Golden Temple was illuminated with many lights to welcome home and celebrate the release of sixth Guru Hargobind from imprisonment in Gwalior fort.
Diwali is followed by Anna koota next day. It is also popularly known as Goverdhan Pooja. This pooja is offered to Lord Krishna as he saves the lives of people by the wrath of lord Indra. The people of Gokul commemorated a festival in honor of Lord Indra and worshiped him after the end of monsoon season every year. Lord Krishna persuaded people to pray fields and cattle from where they are benefited rather than to Lord Indra. Angry by this act of Lord Krishna, Lord Indra sent a torrent to sink Gokul. Lord Krishna lifted the mountain and held it as an umbrella for the people and saved them. Humbled by this act, Lord Indra, approached Lord Krishna to apologize. Annakoot means- hammered grains or porridge. Hammered maze is cooked in sweetened as well as salty form specially. A range of delicacies from karhi-chawal to kheer, doodh bhat and many more items are cooked on this day to offer Lord Krishna - commonly known as Giriraj ji or Bihariji. Giriraj ji appeared with a huge body, so the quantity of food he requires to be satiated has to be huge. huge quantities of wide range of food items are offered at Raj Bhog - forenoon , which is then distributed among devotees as Prasad.
The last day of the festival is Bhai Dooj when sisters mark a tilak on her brother's forehead and wish for his welfare and long life. This day Lord Yama - the lord of death- promised her sister Yamuna to have food at her home our of her love as he loved her sister Yamuna dearly. Some parts of north India paddy grass is also applied on the back of ear of brother and applying tilak to brother. Brothers, in their turn bless their sister and pamper them with loads of Bhai dooj gifts. The festival concludes with a grand meal and the exchange of gifts.
By this concludes the great five day celebrations of festival season.
Diwali is the festival which is observed for five days and usually comes in the month of October/December when it is the darkest night of the month. This year it falls on 28 th of October.
There are many reasons for Hindus to celebrate this festival and harvest is among one of them. As this harvest of the kharif season i.e. mainly of rice, coincides this festival. Every harvest is celebrated with great joy and it is first offered as a gratitude to Almighty. Worship to the deity of the wealth and happiness - Goddess Laxmi is done by offering Poha - semi cooked rice as a custom in the North and West India .
This festival is celebrated at night and this night is generally the darkest night of the year. It is illuminated so much by the lights that no corner is left by dark. It shows the happiness of inside and out of a person. People welcome this festival by cleaning nook and corner of their houses, shops and surroundings as there is a strong belief that goddess of wealth Laxmi bestows her blessings to the place which is the most clean.
This festival is celebrated by many sects of Hindus according to their own reasons.
Mainly it is celebrates as to mark the welcome of Lord Rama to Ayodhya after defeating Ravana. Shri Ram- incarnation of Lord Vishnu returned to his capital Ayodhya in India after the exile of fourteen years. It is the great example of a son to keep a father's vow to his stepmother Kaikeyi who was jealous of the coronation of Shri Ram as she wanted that her son Bharat would made king of that glorious kingdom. Bharat refused to this injustice planned by her mother and discarded the comfort of palace as his brother, Shri Ram was suffering in jungle. Lord Shri Ram killed Ravana and rescued his wife Sita on the day of Dussehra. He then returned to his capital exactly after twenty days on the day of dark fortnight of the month of Kartik. People of Ayodhya were happy and greet their king Lord Rama by turning this dark night into day by row of lights to show their happiness and greetings to their king.
The five day festival begins with the thirteenth day of the Kartik month known as tryodashi or teras or popularly known as Dhanteras- dhana means wealth and teras means thirteen. It is an auspicious day to buy gold, silver or any metal thing for the house like utensils etc. During this day lamps/diya are also lighted for lord Yama i.e. lord of death. This day is celebrated as Yamadeepdaan and a diya is kept burning whole night in the name of Yama to avert untimely death and for the welfare of the members of the family.
The next day is the fourteenth day of the month - chaturdashi- popularly known as narak chaturdashi - the day on which Lord Krishna killed Narakasura. This legend goes to the epoch of dwapar yuga when Lord Krishna killed the evil king of Pragjyotishpur. That evil king had kidnapped 16,000 daughters of gods and earrings of Aditi- the mother of gods. On the request of Gods, Lord Krishna fought a fierce battle with the evil king. After the mighty battle, he succeeded in killing the evil king and freeing the 16000 daughters and recovering the earrings of mother Aditi returned home. He was welcomed and bathed with scented oils. In some parts of India especially in Maharashtra this day is marked by taking special bath early in the morning after a full body massage of scented oil. This is known as abhyang-snan that includes herbs or ayurvedic items like sandalwood, manjistha, rose, camphor, orange peels and turmeric that are natural antiseptic. The sweets like kheer or sweet vermicelli and the sounds of fireworks add to the festive mood.
In the Eastern part of India this day pooja of Maa Kali is done with great enthusiasm. It is believed that on this day, Kali, the goddess of power killed the wicked demon Raktavija. This day Lord Hanuman is also worshipped by the offerings of sesame laddoos and sweets.
This day is also marked by the victory to Vamana Avtar - one of the incarnation of Lord Vishnu - over great demon king Bali- who was powerful and righteous demon king became threat to the universe.
The next day is the amavasya i.e. the day to celeberate Diwali. Entrance door is decorated with Torans and many other decorations made of artificial flowers, beads and floor is also decorated with traditional Rangoli. Puja is performed in the evening with lavishly decorated puja thalis that includes flowers, camphors, vermillion, sweets etc according to the family traditions. In south India camphor lit aarti is an integral part of pujas. Goddess Laxmi along with other Gods is decorated with gold jewelry and special Laxmi puja is performed. People wear new clothes and perform puja by offering rice, fruit, flowers, sweets and coconuts.
Feasting, gambling, family gatherings, lights and fire crackers mark the festival throughout the country. Gambling and drinking is part of this festival especially in West Bengal . The North Indian business community usually starts their financial new year on Diwali and new account books are opened on this day. Diwali gifts, sweets and dry fruits are distributed to well wishers and neighbors to share the happiness of this festival.
According to Skanda Purana Lord Shiva accepts Shakti to his left half and appeared as Ardhanaarishvara after the completion of the great vrat - kedara vrat that was kept by Maa Shakti for twenty one days.
Goddess Laxmi was incarnated on this holy day as a result of churning of the ocean - samudra manthan, therefore this day is associated with Laxmi poojan.
According to "Mahabharata" Pandavas appeared from their twelve years exile as a result of their defeat in the hands of the Kauravas during gambling.
Great Hindu king Vikramaaditya was coronated on this day.
Maharshi Dayananda, one of the greatest reformers of Hinduism and the founder of Arya Samaj attained his nirvana on October 31st, 1883 at Ajmer during the evening of Diwali.
Jains celebrate it as the day on which Mahavira attained Nirvana.
For Sikhs Guru Ram Das was born on 9 October 1534 in Chuna Mandi, Lahore . Also in 1577 the foundation stone of The Golden Temple was laid on Diwali. On Diwali 1619 the Golden Temple was illuminated with many lights to welcome home and celebrate the release of sixth Guru Hargobind from imprisonment in Gwalior fort.
Diwali is followed by Anna koota next day. It is also popularly known as Goverdhan Pooja. This pooja is offered to Lord Krishna as he saves the lives of people by the wrath of lord Indra. The people of Gokul commemorated a festival in honor of Lord Indra and worshiped him after the end of monsoon season every year. Lord Krishna persuaded people to pray fields and cattle from where they are benefited rather than to Lord Indra. Angry by this act of Lord Krishna, Lord Indra sent a torrent to sink Gokul. Lord Krishna lifted the mountain and held it as an umbrella for the people and saved them. Humbled by this act, Lord Indra, approached Lord Krishna to apologize. Annakoot means- hammered grains or porridge. Hammered maze is cooked in sweetened as well as salty form specially. A range of delicacies from karhi-chawal to kheer, doodh bhat and many more items are cooked on this day to offer Lord Krishna - commonly known as Giriraj ji or Bihariji. Giriraj ji appeared with a huge body, so the quantity of food he requires to be satiated has to be huge. huge quantities of wide range of food items are offered at Raj Bhog - forenoon , which is then distributed among devotees as Prasad.
The last day of the festival is Bhai Dooj when sisters mark a tilak on her brother's forehead and wish for his welfare and long life. This day Lord Yama - the lord of death- promised her sister Yamuna to have food at her home our of her love as he loved her sister Yamuna dearly. Some parts of north India paddy grass is also applied on the back of ear of brother and applying tilak to brother. Brothers, in their turn bless their sister and pamper them with loads of Bhai dooj gifts. The festival concludes with a grand meal and the exchange of gifts.
By this concludes the great five day celebrations of festival season.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel..'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift...
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident..
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy..'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
ForwardSourceID:NT00017B9A
ForwardSourceID:NT0002746E
--
Dilip Modi
M+ 9275704638
Windows-7 Keyboard Shortcuts to Increase Productivity
With all the less pleasant verdicts about Vista, Windows 7 is perhaps PC users’ next best news. Codenamed Blackcomb, this new Microsoft operating system is surely a successor over it’s predecessor Windows XP and definitely Vista. With Microsoft to end their support for Windows XP in 2014, we figured Windows 7 will be completely taking over things in the next year or so.
If you are a Windows users it’s probably time for a change, or at least tryout this new operating system. Here are some shortcut keys to help improve your productivity and user experience with Windows 7.
General Windows 7 Shortcuts
Shortcut Description
Win + UP Arrow Maximize the current window
Win + Down Arrow Restore down or minimize current windows
Win + Left Arrow Dock the current window to the left half of the screen
Win + Right Arrrow Dock the current window to the right half of the screen
Win + [number] Activate and run the program pinned on Windows 7 Taskbar, running program won’t be affected
Win + Home Minimize all but the current window
Win + Space Makes all windows transparent so you can see through to the desktop
Win + Pause/Break Open System Properties
Win + Tab Flip Aero 3D [press Tab to cycle between Windows]
Win + B Move focus to notification tray (the right-most portion of the taskbar)
Win + D Show/Hide desktop
Win + E Windows Explorer is launched
Win + F Search
Win + G Bring all gadgets on top and foreground
Win + L Lock Computer
Win + M Minimize all windows
Win + P Open the projection menu (generally used for laptops connected to projectors)
Win + R Run Command is launched.
Win + S OneNote Screen Clipping Tool
Win + T Show preview thumbnail of running applications in Windows Taskbar one by one without mouse over
Win + X Mobility Center
Win + # Quicklaunch
Win + = Magnifier
Win + [+/-] Enables the magnifier and zooms in/out
Win + Shift + Up Arrow Maximize vertical size
Win + Shift + Down Arrow Restore vertical size
Win + Shift + Left Arrow Jump to left monitor
Win + Shift + Right Arrow Jump to right monitor
Win + Shift + M Undo all window minimization
Win + Shift + T Cycles backwards
Win + Ctrl + F Opens the Active Directory Find Computers dialog
Ctrl + Right Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the next word
Ctrl + Left Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the previous word
Ctrl + Up Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the previous paragraph
Ctrl + Down Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the next paragraph
Ctrl + Click A pinned taskbar icon to cycle through the program’s open windows (e.g. IE)
Ctrl + Win + Tab Persistent flip 3D
Ctrl + Shift with an arrow key Select a block of text
Ctrl with any arrow key + Spacebar Select multiple individual items in a window or on the desktop
Ctrl + Shift + Esc Open Task Manager directly
Ctrl + Shift + N Create new folder
If you are a Windows users it’s probably time for a change, or at least tryout this new operating system. Here are some shortcut keys to help improve your productivity and user experience with Windows 7.
General Windows 7 Shortcuts
Shortcut Description
Win + UP Arrow Maximize the current window
Win + Down Arrow Restore down or minimize current windows
Win + Left Arrow Dock the current window to the left half of the screen
Win + Right Arrrow Dock the current window to the right half of the screen
Win + [number] Activate and run the program pinned on Windows 7 Taskbar, running program won’t be affected
Win + Home Minimize all but the current window
Win + Space Makes all windows transparent so you can see through to the desktop
Win + Pause/Break Open System Properties
Win + Tab Flip Aero 3D [press Tab to cycle between Windows]
Win + B Move focus to notification tray (the right-most portion of the taskbar)
Win + D Show/Hide desktop
Win + E Windows Explorer is launched
Win + F Search
Win + G Bring all gadgets on top and foreground
Win + L Lock Computer
Win + M Minimize all windows
Win + P Open the projection menu (generally used for laptops connected to projectors)
Win + R Run Command is launched.
Win + S OneNote Screen Clipping Tool
Win + T Show preview thumbnail of running applications in Windows Taskbar one by one without mouse over
Win + X Mobility Center
Win + # Quicklaunch
Win + = Magnifier
Win + [+/-] Enables the magnifier and zooms in/out
Win + Shift + Up Arrow Maximize vertical size
Win + Shift + Down Arrow Restore vertical size
Win + Shift + Left Arrow Jump to left monitor
Win + Shift + Right Arrow Jump to right monitor
Win + Shift + M Undo all window minimization
Win + Shift + T Cycles backwards
Win + Ctrl + F Opens the Active Directory Find Computers dialog
Ctrl + Right Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the next word
Ctrl + Left Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the previous word
Ctrl + Up Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the previous paragraph
Ctrl + Down Arrow Move the cursor to the beginning of the next paragraph
Ctrl + Click A pinned taskbar icon to cycle through the program’s open windows (e.g. IE)
Ctrl + Win + Tab Persistent flip 3D
Ctrl + Shift with an arrow key Select a block of text
Ctrl with any arrow key + Spacebar Select multiple individual items in a window or on the desktop
Ctrl + Shift + Esc Open Task Manager directly
Ctrl + Shift + N Create new folder
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