How open should one be about secrets in a relationship?

                 They say if there is one gospel rule about relationships, it has got to be trust —without which relationships cannot grow. Trust means belief; it is about having no doubts with regard to honesty and credibility. This holds true not only between individuals but also between individuals and organisations. Companies are working on building trust as they have realised it to be more important in maintaining the much desired consumer connect. However, everybody have their little ‘top secrets’; secrets buried deep down the closet which they don’t want to part with. But how long can one go hush-hush and guard that veil? Just when is the right time to talk about that wild summer holiday in high school? Or that trek to an ancient cave with colleagues and what happened there?

               Atik Agarwal has the all pervasive answer, “It depends”. Since that does not throw any light, he elaborates further, “These days, we have a lot of functional relationships which have no space for emotions or feelings. In such a case, there is no need to open up.” Adds girlfriend Ruchi Gupta, “But when it comes to relationships that are going to last life long, one should play fair and not keep anything away from him/her.” How does one make a call of being confident enough of sharing those ‘relationship-threatening’ details with a partner? “Take your time and reach a stage where love is more important than anything else. It is then as the events unfold and situations merits, spill your beans,” Ruchi adds.

              Yes, life is certainly one big fat book and one can’t read it all out at one go. Fear of losing is also what drives many people to open up. Says student Ayesha Jha, “In due course of a relationship, as discussions arise, you can share your secrets. And it is better to be truthful because if your partner finds out through somebody else, you will be in deep trouble.”

             But some people think otherwise. Dhrumi Shah, an arts student says, “Some things are not to be shared. I have certain personal experiences which I would take with me to the grave. If I tell all to my partner, I would have revealed all my weaknesses and god forbid something goes wrong; it can have a devastating impact on my life. Moreover, I feel what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” However, what Dhrumi might not know is that life is wicked. If she thinks one need not tell all in a relationship, her partner might just believe in the opposite.

           If the understanding of trust and secrets is this crystal clear, why do suspicions arise and strengthen? What keeps people from being open about their lives? Riddhima Patel has a perfect answer which is convenient at the same time. She states, “Being open about secrets is not similar to confessing your sins in a church. Honesty is the best policy but add to it some discretion and tact and you’ve got the key.”